With the kids back in school I can't take off early for my runs, I have to get the kids up and to the bus stop by 730 am, which means I hit the road by 8am. I have a water belt filled with Gatorade that I wear and I pack my power bar gels, I try to use these at least every 45 mins, I find that they work for me. The first 3 miles of any of my runs are hard going, my right hips always seems to take some time to warm up and my muscles are sore and stiff.I have had some issues with my right hip and knee and these seem to get aggravated after about 10 miles, then I have to take some time to stretch out my hip.
I was feeling good from miles 4-8 really just finding a nice groove and feeling good, I thought briefly..maybe I can do 24 miles..(that thought was later shattered at mile 11).
Mile 8 was a potty stop and stretching time then off over the first of 2 bridges in this 22 mile route. Yes I did plan that on purpose, thought it would be a nice challenge. Again good idea at the time.
Mile 9-10 is the Great Neck Bridge and I hit this again at miles 12-13. At mile 13.1 water and potty break. I stop at another 7-11 which there seem to be located at least every 3 miles. I am so thankful to those folks working there always letting me use the bathroom and never refusing to take my very sweaty dollar bills.
At about mile 13.5 I run right into a huge spider web and freak out! I nearly strip out of my clothes and yes had a bit of a melt down. I'm sure people driving by thought I was having a seizure or something. It was a huge spider and if I didn't see him jump off me I might have stripped until I was sure he was no longer on me!
After I recover from my spider situation I head back over the Lesner Bridge for the second time this is just past mile 14, I stop long enough to look over and snap a photo. Off again.
I was feeling pretty good, tiered and hot from miles 15-16.5 then started to feel fatigued at mile 17 I could feel my hams tighten up and my hips were hurting, and a new pain developed, I started to have lower pelvic and abdominal pain, tightness in my groin area and my thighs were really starting to burn. I felt my pace slow and my legs were not going as fast as I wanted them to. I hit my land mark that let me know I had 3 miles left.
I felt like I was giving it my all and my legs were hardly moving, it was hot, my legs were sore and heavy, it was all I could do to keep moving forward. I wanted to stop and walk so bad, but I kept telling myself, just to that sign, just to the fire station now just a little further.
There is a church with a huge cross out front that is the land mark that lets me know I have 2 miles left. This is were I had to say a little prayer and I had to dig a little deeper to keep myself moving. This is where my son always seems to catch up with me.
When I get to the point that I want to quit I feel like crying and I try to think about all the things that I have been through and I tell myself I can do this to. I move forward.
I think of my son the day the doctors told me he had cancer, I move forward. I think of the first day after his surgery to remove the cancer and I see that little boy of 17 months lying there so helpless, I move forward. I think of all the struggles that he had to endure, the chemo, the surgeries and the long nights of wondering my me, why him, why and I move forward. I move forward with tears in my eyes thinking of that little boy with so much life in such a little time and I move forward. I think of the day I picked out that little baby blue casket for my little boy and I move forward. I move forward and I cry with each step I take, cry because it hurts still today as it did 10 years ago. But I move forward. I give it all I have the last 2 miles tears and all.
There are days that I didn't want to do this, didn't want to breath, didn't want to do anything all I wanted was that little boy back in my arms. It has been a long road for me.
10 years later, I am running for my son, running to remember running to honor and finally running to let myself free. No longer running from the pain or the emotions, I had to hit those head on over the last few years. I have had to learn to love again and open my heart up again.
This journey has been a good journey for me, I am in a better place now. My son is at peace, it has been me for so long that has not been at peace. I'm ready to be at peace, I'm ready to honor him and let the world know how much he meant to me and how much of a better person I am because he was in my life!
I'm ready for this marathon! Bring it on!!
